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O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

By Michael Brewer

I must be honest…

I’m lost. I don’t know north from south; east from west. And the depravity of this heart in its desires is despairing. I’m a compass spinning madly with no bearing on where is right.

In the darkness of my heart, in the desires of my flesh, in the lusts of my eyes I want. I want to be more than I am. I want to have more that what has been given. I want vindication where I’ve no right to demand vindication.

I have it all wrong! Somehow I expect satisfaction. I expect my needs met. My desires fulfilled. My hopes realized. And the problem with it all is…me.

I am created. What can I know about myself? What can I spend a life time searching and find? Like a computer, or a car, or a pen, or a journal; what can I do to understand who or what I am?

Nothing. “I” is the wrong place to begin, and yet it seems to be exactly where I begin. And following I finds me nowhere save for in a place of empty, hopeless, despair nursing old wounds and discovering new ones.

What is my purpose? The answer is properly understood looking not to myself but to God; my Creator and my Redeemer. Perhaps I should stop looking to myself for all the answers. And by perhaps I should, I mean I NEED TAKE MY STUPID EYES OFF OF ME AND LOOK TO OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN.

O Lord, my God, have mercy on me a sinner. Kill me, so that only You remain. Teach me Your ways, O Lord, that any who see me instead see only You! I’m a fool. I’m an idolater. Lord all I have I don’t, but rather they are all Yours. Let them proclaim only You.

Lord I have no fellowship to call my own. Brothers or Sisters in whom I can rest with in Your Joy. No mentor to point me back to You when I fall. Lord it is so lonely here. Let Your voice be louder than any other. Let Your Word be with me ALWAYS.

Bring me, Lord, nearer and nearer to You.

I hate who I am apart from You.

Amen.

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord…

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This entry was posted on 20 July 2009 at 12:49 am and is filed under Dealing with Anger, Dealing with Regret, Grace, Hope, Jesus, Mercy, Prayer, Redemption, Reflection, Repent, Repentance, Salvation is in Christ Jesus, Standing Up to Myself, Talking to My Self, Truth is Jesus Christ. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?”

  1. mimi Says:
    3 September 2009 at 3:58 am

    I was listening to Hezekiah Walker’s song God favoured me. He talks about despite what haters did to him, God still favoured him. While listening, I realised that my greatest hater is my flesh.
    Father Lord, I commit my body unto. You and ask that I focus on pleasing you rather than satisfy the desires of my flesh in Jesus Name.

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