Prepare my heart, O God, to receive You. Have mercy on me, a sinner. Teach me, Lord, to honor You; to please You; to love You. Grant me repentance and faith. Let it be accounted to me wisdom; wisdom not of men, but rather a wisdom according to You.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
~Psalm 51:1-2
Who am I to be so angry? Who am I to be so furious? Did not the Lord use what was meant for evil for Good? Did not our Father in Heaven draw me out of death and into Life? Did not that which took place only drive me further into the Father’s hands?
Who am I?
I really have nothing to say. I have so many sins in my life that have been covered by God’s grace. The Lord Jesus bought me at cost that I will NEVER understand. Me!? A sinner. Why me?
Confronted with my self, I see nothing and no one else. The wretchedness of that man in the mirror silences all bitterness with I which rage!
The nightmares; insignificant! The flashbacks; insignificant! The memories; insignificant! I HAVE SINNED TO THE UTTERMOST!
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
~Psalm 51:3-4
I’ve lost all right to demand vindication. I deserve condemnation, and yet in its place I’ve found grace.
O Lord my God, I would not have saved myself, but rather only waded further into the depths of my wickedness. After my heart I would have raced. BUT YOU, O God, have rescued me! You O Lord have granted mercy and grace. And in my place…propitiation in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, Your Son.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
~Psalm 51:7-10
17 August 2009 at 10:59 pm
[...] I find it easy for myself to be caught up with the most trivial things; and of course those things apart from Christ are trivial. I don’t understand why time and again my earthly father and the church of my youth seem so important. What was done is done and cannot be undone. I can spend my whole life chewing on these things and suffering through these things over and over again, but it will not make one wrong right. It will not make one hurt better. And as I’ve said, I’ve no right to demand or expect vindication. [...]